I had a dream about cookies last night. I had a dream that I went to a bakery and they would not sell me an M&M cookie because there were only 2 left and those were their “display” cookies. Instead, they sold me this weird cookie covered in some sort of frosting. It looked delicious so I wasn’t too disappointed, but I didn’t get to eat it in my dream. So now I’m craving a big sugar cookie. 

In other news, Rods and I are going to Old New Orleans Rum for a distillery tour. I’m not such a fan of rum even though my drink of choice in college was rum and diet. Maybe that’s why I can’t drink it anymore..? 

Anyway. I think I’d rather have a cookie. But I’ll take rum, I guess. 

I know, this is life changing stuff. 

So…I’m that girl who took horseback riding lessons for approximately 1 year. I fell off the horse when we starting trotting a few months in so all I ever wanted to do was just walk on the horse. Not so great for lessons. I quit ice skating after 4 months because my ingrown toenails hurt. I played softball but they put me in the outfield so I meandered up to the diamond to draw in the sand. I quit soon after.

I guess what I’m saying is that if I’m not getting instant results, it’s REALLY hard for me to stay on course with something. I wanted to like washing my hair with baking soda and water and then rinsing it with a mixture of apple cider vinegar. Hippies tell me that this will do wonders for my super dry hair that frizzes in the humid New Orleans summer. I tried it once. ONCE. My hair was so greasy and oily, I had to pin my bangs up. This I was not expecting - my hair hardly ever looks greasy because it is so thick and dry. The hippies told me that this was normal - my hair is just detoxing and getting rid of all the crap. It will look amazing in two weeks. TWO WEEKS.

Hippies, I do not have time to let my hair detox and look like a 12 year old boy’s face. I work in sales. I curl my hair with hot rollers every morning to tame the madness and give it some sort of “fixedness.” I can’t be rocking a ponytail with my bangs pinned up every day for two weeks. No. Just…no. Hippies, it’s not that i’m vain. Believe me - I’m the first person to try to go to a bar in pajamas. It’s just that I like my job and I don’t want to lose a sale for looking like I seriously need ten showers.

I hightailed it to Whole Foods and bought some castile shampoo that is still good for my hair but will also CLEAN it properly without the need to detox. Ok - so I failed at the BS/ACV hair wash…but I didn’t go back to my Herbal Essence.

The OCM is going well on my face — super soft and that I don’t mind detoxing because I can cover it up with my amazing Benefit Erase Paste.

In other news, my throat hurts and I feel like I may be getting sick which is a tragedy as I have not gotten sick in over a year. So, I’m going to go watch back to back episodes of “America: The Story of Us” and whine for Rods to bring me some ramen or something as equally comforting!

In the wake of my Diva Cup madness - I have also been toying with the idea of trying the Oil Cleansing Method for washing my face. I was leery at first as putting oils on my face definitely seems counterintuitive, but so many people were raving about it so I figured I would give it a whirl. I bought some Olive Oil and then went to Walgreens for some Castor Oil. I did re-think the whole thing, however, when the bottle of castor oil said “FOR EASE OF CONSTIPATION PAINS” on it.

Basically, depending on your skin type (if you oily you want more castor oil, if you’re dry you want less), you mix up castor and olive oil, massage a quarter sized amount onto your face and then put a hot washcloth on your face to open up your pores. The oil gets into the open pores and gets out all the dirt and makeup. Once the washcloth cools, you repeat a few times (with the washcloth bit- not the oil on the face bit).

Once I was done, my face felt so very soft and - I hate to say/write this word - supple!

They say to give it a few weeks because at first your face will detox and go a little crazy but then it will love you and behave wonderfully. I always had reservations about putting crazy chemicals on my face to clean it - and the oil is a much gentler way of getting a clean face.

I’m also trying to go the “No ‘Poo” route which means no more shampoo! My hair is so unbearably dry and frizzy - I am hoping this will help me in the summer months when it gets ridiculously humid and hot. You basically wash your hair with a mixture of baking soda and water to clean it and then follow that with a rinse of apple cider vinegar and water to detangle and give you shine.

I’m getting very crunchy these days - it’s a little odd but sometimes I get these wild hairs! (hairs! No pun intended…)

I just loved the Diva Cup experience so much that it led me to consider other ways that I could simplify my life and the chemicals that I subject my body to for the sake of vanity. So - I guess we’ll see what happens - I literally just stepped out of the shower so there’s not too much progress to report other than the fact that I just “No ‘Pooed” my hair and slathered oil all over my face. And walked in on Rod trying the OCM after me - but I think that’s a story for another time.

I’m thinking if this goes well, I’ll try my hand at making my own deodorant…

A few years back, I was really heavy into trashy TV. It started with Engaged and Underaged. And then I dabbled a bit into 16 and Pregnant. I dipped my toes into Real Housewives (just NY and Orange County - I wasn’t TOTALLY addicted. I had standards). 

I don’t know if this is because I have a drama tank like Vicky from Real Housewives has a Love Tank (sidenote: Gross). I needed these strangers to fill it up. I was working with all dudes at the time and there was zero drama with them. I used to make my friend Matt gossip with me because there was no one to gossip with at work. It wasn’t even bad things because I can’t be mean to save my life (oddly enough though, I have three arch-nemeses - they rotate in “arch” status as I think you can only have 1 arch nemesis. I don’t think any of them know about this as I have never been outwardly mean to them). 

OK, I digressed a bit. My point is that I used to watch this shit like crazy. I’d say it was my crack but I think that analogy is a bit overdone and I’ve never been one for drugs. I guess you can say that it was my second bagel. You want the second bagel…but you don’t really need it. You don’t really want people to know you just ate TWO bagels, but you just couldn’t help yourself. The first one was too good. 

Anyway, when we made the move to NOLA, Real Housewives of New York started to get waaaay too dramatic and it made my stomach hurt to watch. I realized that maybe having two bagels is too much. This was rather unfortunate as I had gotten Rodney to watch these shows with me and I even taught him to respond with, “I know, right?!?” to everything I said while watching it. He did it while typing away on the computer…but he did it nonetheless. The man is a saint. 

I realized I had to cut back, but the people I worked with watched it so I just watched the NY season, stress-induced tummy aches and all. 

Then, a few months back, Rod and I decided that we really didn’t need cable. I work A LOT and he usually plays on the computer at home and we never watched shows when they aired anyway. We ditched our $100 a month cable service and bought a Roku, Netflix streaming-only account and a Hulu Plus account. And we rent things on Amazon from time to time and we don’t fret about it because now we are only spending about $20 a month on TV stuffs. 

So, my trashy TV watching came to a screeching halt. When you have to actively think about what you want to watch, you realize that maybe you’d rather catch up on your Modern Family rather than Teen Mom 2. And of course, you hadn’t yet trained your husband on the proper responses for Teen Mom 2 yet because…wow. I don’t even know if there ARE proper responses. 

I still indulge from time to time when Rod is out of the house or I just need background noise. But it less Second Bagel and more Rice Cracker. Not nearly as indulgent as it once was and somewhat lackluster and sad. Is this my age or the fact that we have over-sensationalized these people and made them think they are something greater than they are and then we are disappointed when they don’t deliver?

I’m not sure of the answer…but now I really want a real life bagel. 

Be ye forewarned…I’m going to blog about my mysterious lady cycle. Otherwise known as my period. So…there’s your fair warning, friends. Leave now or forever know way too much about me.

Last month, my darling cousin, Cece, came to visit me. We always call each other sister-cousins because me, her, her sister and my sister all grew up very close - more like sisters than cousins. Cece and I are super similar and we tend to feel the same way about things. When she was in town, I noticed a tampon on the ground in my room.

“Oh! I think one of my cats got into your tampons,” I said, because it was a brand I didn’t recognize.

“No - I don’t wear tampons.” she said.

“Oh — ok. Well, yeah, I didn’t wear them for a long time either.” I said.

“Well, I don’t wear pads either.” she replied.

I stood there for a second and just looked at her. Um. If you don’t use tampons and you don’t use pads…well. What else could there be? Do you just drop off the face of the earth for 4 to 5 days?

Apparently, Internet, there is a third option. And it’s called The Diva Cup.

The Diva Cup is a silicone cup that you basically insert and it catches all the..business. My first reaction was GROSS. It just seemed weird. After a barrage of questions, Cece went back home and I was fascinated by the Diva Cup. Eventually, after much online research, I decided to give it a whirl.

Day 1 - Diva and I got along pretty well, thanks to a few trial runs. I was shocked at how little I needed to take it out. When they say 12 hours, they mean it. I envisioned awkward public potty changes but no - it does not have to be so! I love Divaaaaa! I can’t even feel it!

Day 2 - Diva and I started out great. I was feeling so confident, I decided to wear a light yellow skirt - how daring! How confident! How…utterly stupid. Within 20 minutes at work, I realized that the Diva had failed me slightly. Not earth-shattering or super horrific, but it was a slight fail nonetheless. I fixed it at work, after vowing NOT to take it out at work anymore, and spent the rest of the day fretting over it and wondering why I didn’t just stick to tampons. Die, Diva, die!

Day 3 - I gave Diva another chance, threatening her as today was a big day and we could afford NO slight mishaps. At first, I thought Diva has failed me when I was on a site visit. Turns out it was my own apprehension. There were absolutely NO problems and I was delighted. I love Divaaaaa again!

SO that’s where I am right now - doing pretty well with Day 3. I love that I don’t have to worry about it and I never have to wonder if I have a tampon in my purse. I love that I can’t feel it and that there’s not obnoxious string. I love that I just have to mess with it twice a day - once in the morning and once at night. Plus, I love that it’s better for the environment and my body because it’s not bleached cotton. Also, here’s a lovely bit of TMI for you, but I realized that I really don’t bleed that much during my period. At the beginning of this Diva wearing, I would envision the cup so full that I would HAVE to go empty it. But when I would check on it, it would barely have anything in it - after HOURS. You have to be pretty comfortable with yourself and poking around downstairs when you are in the trial-and-error phase. But if you can get past all that, the Diva is amazing! I’m just pissed that they don’t do commericals or anything — how else are the ladies of the world supposed to know that there’s a third option out there???

Plus? The Diva Cup comes with a lapel pin…

I had very good intentions to work out when I got home from work today. But…see…I got home at six. And then I had to return a phone call from a friend. While we were on the phone, I changed in to workout clothes. I had the best intentions. I even decided which pilates video I was going to do. 

But then I got off the phone. And it was 7. And Rod was sitting on the couch with the cats and we didn’t see each other all weekend since he was in Alabama for a bachelor party (Rod- not the cats). So I walked in the house (we don’t get service in the house), sat on the couch, looked over at Rod and knew there was no way I was going to spend 45 minutes on pilates video when I could be drinking a cerveza, eating tacos and watching Daria re-runs on Hulu. 

Which is exactly what we did…

But I’m still in workout clothes, dammit. And watching Daria. We already ate the tacos. 

“yeah. You’ll be happy. You just won’t know it.”- Alec Baldwin on marriage from the best John Hughes movie ever, “She’s Having a Baby”

Watching Gone with the Wind for the first time. Fast forwarded through the overture. Booooring!

Thursday night we got a new vacuum cleaner. I had a weird fear of vacuum cleaners - I don’t like their noise and the always seem to have a mind of their own.

But they are necessary when you have cats and lots of cat hair. Rod usually handles the vacuuming so it’s ok. I just leave the room when he comes in with it. Recently, our vacuum cleaner broke but luckily we got the replacement plan at Best Buy. So we trekked down with our dirty 2-year-old vacuum cleaner and brought back the same model, just newer. Also, we purchased another replacement plan just in case!

This morning, Rod had a migraine and I was trying to clean the house to get ready for his sister to come in town this afternoon. I did everything, leaving the vacuuming for last in case he recovered. He did not.

So, I unpacked the new vacuum, assembled it, and read the manual. I’m the manual reader in the relationship - I think there must always be one. One person will rip into something and set it up, tossing the manual out. The other person will sit cross legged on the floor next to the new purchase and read the manual cover to cover, trying to learn everything about this new purchase. I’m the manual reader.

I gave myself a pep talk and actually felt a bit of a connection to the vacuum after having assembled it and knowing it in and out. I started it up and heard Rod call out that he would vacuum soon. But I was actually enjoying it - seeing all the crap on the floor that we hadn’t been able to pick up disappear was very satisfying. And it was A LOT since the old cleaner crapped out a week or so ago. I have to empty the canister TWICE. Gross.

I don’t think I’ll take over his vacuuming duties, but I’m glad I faced that fear. Geez, I just realized we got a new microwave and a new vacuum cleaner in one week. So domesticated…

Last night, Rod and I randomly renewed our vows.

We were wearing mumus, had smeared lipstick (both of us), and Rod had a stuffed cat safety pinned to his robe, but it was adorable regardless.

We were doing a scavenger hunt downtown and would get 1,000 points to have a real shotgun wedding. I somehow managed to convince them I was pregnant (I was so convincing, my friend Noah actually believed me and was mad I didn’t tell him!). So Meems was my maid of honor (again) Noah was Rod’s best man, and a stranger walked me down the aisle. It was absurd but so much fun - I giggled the whole time, just like our real wedding.

I love New Orleans. It’s probably the only place in the world you can walk into the store in a sequined tutu or an old lady mumu and no one bats an eye.