One of my new year’s resolutions is to focus on being happy and “in the now” - the present. You see, there is a struggle that happens when you graduate college and become an adult. It doesn’t happen right away - it’s something that sneaks up on you a few years after you tried to set the world on fire. You strike out, get a job, think about getting another one (maybe you do) and you survive. And you make plans and you save money. And you may get into credit card debt. And you might get married. Get a dog. If you’re cooler, you get a cat.

And then you take stock of what’s going on. Job? Check. Awesome friends? Check. Clean laundry. Check (sometimes). But what’s missing? Oh, yes. You had plans for your life. What happened to those plans while you were trying to survive and make your mark? Sometimes they change and you autocorrect. Sometimes not. I’m in the midst of these throes. I planned to write. I planned to take time for myself and create. I never had dreams of being an author as a career. I actually dreamed of working on a TV show and being a writer in some capacity - but it was a team atmosphere. Not me alone with a computer. I’m a social person. I need people around me at all times. I’m not one of those people that needs “me time.”

The dream morphed a bit and I’ve adapeted to the changes. But something is definitely missing. I’m trying to figure out what it might be and I am carrying the pain that I may not know. Or worse, that I will find it out and not be able to achieve.

Thus, I am trying to live in the present. The reality is that I am already happy. I am complete. I am one of those people that always needs to strive for something, so I need to remind myself to take a step back and appreciate what I have instead of striving for more. For better. What is better than being married to my best friend, having 1.5 cats, amazing friends and a good job?

I guess consistently clean laundry. Good thing it’s laundry day today. Lola, you are on your way, my friend.